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Maybe Joe Horn was just dialing for attention.
Three straight
trips to the Pro Bowl between 2000-02 brought scant publicity. But a cell phone
call in the end zone after catching a touchdown pass caused plenty of static
and made the veteran receiver of the New Orleans Saints an instant celebrity.
Horn had to pay a fine for the stunt but set himself up for a commercial. Could
there be a better "Cingular" moment than Horn phoning home from the
end zone?
It may be time for receivers like Hines Ward of the Pittsburgh Steelers, Derrick Mason of the Tennessee Titans and Steve Smith of the Carolina Panthers to come up with creative end zone gimmicks for publicity purposes. That seems to cause more of an uproar than receptions.
Ward could pull a Hershey bar out of his back pocket, Mason might consider drinking a can of Pepsi and Smith could munch on some Skittles. After the media gets hysterical - and makes you an instant household name - pay the fine with a smile, then cash in on an endorsement deal.
Poor Marvin Harrison. He is the only receiver in NFL history to catch 100 or more passes four straight years, setting the single-season record with 143 in 2002 for the Indianapolis Colts. But he didn't pull a Sharpie from his sock and autograph a football. Terrell Owens concocted that, ushering in prop-assisted end zone antics.
The NFL reacted by warning players they would be penalized 15 yards for future incidents with unauthorized foreign objects. But Horn ignored the warning and showed his ingenuity by planting a cell phone beneath the padding of a goalpost at the Superdome to set up his big moment in a December 14 game against the New York Giants.
So on that note, I will dial my cell phone and deliver messages to those who had reason to celebrate and those who had reason to spew venom in 2003.
Kansas City Chiefs coach Dick Vermeil: If Jack McKeon can win the World Series at 72, then you can win the Super Bowl at 67.
Dallas Cowboys coach Bill Parcells: Usually it takes you two years on the job to fashion a playoff contender. Do you like Jerry Jones that much that you made it just one year this time?
Cowboys quarterback Quincy Carter: Don't worry about Parcells' incessant yelling. That puts you in the same company as Phil Simms, Drew Bledsoe and Vinny Testaverde.
Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre: Even a broken thumb couldn't end your consecutive games streak. Would a broken leg?
Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick: Found out you weren't invincible in the preseason, but you heeded the advice of Donovan McNabb and waited until you were 100 percent before returning from a broken leg. Unfortunately, it cost Dan Reeves his job.
Falcons coach Dan Reeves: You got a raw deal. Brought the franchise to its lone Super Bowl in 1998 and then made the trade to acquire Vick.
Falcons owner Arthur Blank: You made a huge mistake. Reeves, a Georgia native, deserved better.
Miami Dolphins middle linebacker Zach Thomas: Instead of bemoaning your team's December collapses, tape some of Ray Lewis' inspirational speeches and rattle your team.
Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis: Love that passion. NFL films owes you a fee.
New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick: Opposing quarterbacks tell me that nobody does it quite as good as you.
Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning: Congratulations on another Pro Bowl and an MVP-type season. But it's time to win a playoff game for the first time.
Colts defensive end Dwight Freeney: I don't think there's a faster end in the league than you.
Tennessee Titans quarterback Steve McNair: So you finally took a game off. I thought I'd never see the day.
Cincinnati Bengals coach Marvin Lewis: Take a bow. Take another bow. Not only did you rapidly transform the Bengals, but you made them exciting to watch.
Kansas City Chiefs running back Priest Holmes: You made us forget about your hip injury in a hurry. Keep piling up the touchdowns.
Oakland Raiders coach Bill Callahan: "Dumbest team in America" is kind of strong, but I understand the frustration after getting stuck with Rick Mirer.
Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb: Way to get off the canvas after some people counted you out.
Washington Redskins coach Steve Spurrier: Look into the North Carolina job.
New York Giants coach Jim Fassel: Keep a stiff upper lip after you get fired by the Giants. You lasted seven years and went to a Super Bowl. The next coaching job will come sooner than you think.
Giants running back Tiki Barber: It's time to get out of the denial stage. You have a fumbling problem. Period.
Carolina Panthers coach John Fox: You stuck with your philosophy of a ball-control running attack, and Stephen Davis brought you a division title. Give Davis a holiday bonus.
Former Tampa Bay Buccaneers receiver Keyshawn Johnson: A job with the Oakland Raiders awaits after they get rid of Jerry Rice and Tim Brown.
Buccaneers coach Jon Gruden: You divorced Keyshawn, now it's time to divorce Warren Sapp.
Buccaneers defensive tackle Warren Sapp: Your days in Tampa Bay may be over, but I hear Redskins owner Daniel Snyder is going to throw money at you. Get a big signing bonus.
St. Louis Rams coach Mike Martz: Nobody wastes their timeouts like you, but I'll give you credit for switching from Kurt Warner to Marc Bulger.
Detroit Lions coach Steve Mariucci: A road win may come your way in 2004. Or maybe 2005.
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